Month: May 2022

We all want our child to have friends. We want them to be happy, and to build the social skills and connections that will help them now and in the future.

Sometimes, and for some children, making friends isn’t easy. This is particularly true after the COVID-19 pandemic. Because of isolation and remote school, many children either didn’t learn the skills they need to make friends — or those skills got rusty.

Here are some ways parents can help.

Start at home: Learning relationship skills

Making and keeping friends involves skills that are best learned at home with your family. Some of them include:

• Empathy. Make sure that everyone in the family treats each other fairly and with kindness. Sometimes we turn a blind eye to sibling fights, or feel justified in snapping at our partner when we have had a long day. No matter what we say, our children pay attention to what we do.
• Curiosity about others. Make a family habit of asking each other about their day, their interests, their thoughts.
• Communication skills. These days, devices endanger the development of those skills. Shut off the devices. Have family dinners. Talk with each other.
• Cooperation. Do projects, play games, and do chores as a family. Work together. Help your child learn about taking turns and valuing the input of others.
• Regulating emotions. It’s normal to have strong feelings. When your child does, help them find ways to understand big emotions and manage them.
• Knowing when and how to apologize — and forgive. This really comes under empathy, but teach your child how to apologize for their mistakes, make amends, and forgive the mistakes of others.

All of these apply also to how you and your partner talk about — or with — other people in front of your children, too!

Be a good role model outside the home, too

When you are outside your home, be friendly! Strike up conversations, ask questions of people around you. Help your child learn confidence and strategies for talking to people they don’t know.

Make interactions easier

Conversations and interactions can be easier if they are organized around a common interest or activity. Here are some ways parents can help:

• Sign your child up for sports or other activities that involve their peers. Make sure it’s something they have at least some interest in doing.
• Get to know the parents of some of your child’s peers — and invite them all to an outing or meal. It could allow the children to get to know each other while taking some of the pressure off.
• When planning playdates, think about fun, cooperative activities — like baking cookies, or going to a park or museum.

Keep an eye on your child — but don’t hover

Ultimately, your child needs to learn to do this — and you don’t want to embarrass them, either. The two exceptions might be:

• If the children aren’t interacting at all, you might want to suggest some options for activities. Facilitate as necessary, and step back out again.
• If there is fighting or meanness on either side, you should step in and make it clear that such behavior isn’t okay.

Keep an open line of communication, and be supportive

Talk with your child regularly about their day, about their interactions, and how things made them feel. Listen more than you talk. Be positive and supportive. Remember that part of being supportive is understanding your child’s personality and seeing the world from their eyes. You can’t make your child someone they are not.

If your child keeps struggling with making friends, talk to your doctor

All parents need help sometimes — and sometimes there is more to the problem than meets the eye. This is particularly true if your child has ADHD or another diagnosis that could make interactions more challenging.

For information on supporting friendships at different ages, check out the advice from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

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About the Author

Claire McCarthy, MD, Senior Faculty Editor, Harvard Health Publishing

Claire McCarthy, MD, is a primary care pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital, and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School. In addition to being a senior faculty editor for Harvard Health Publishing, Dr. McCarthy … See Full Bio View all posts by Claire McCarthy, MD

A positive outlook has been linked to better heart health and a longer life. But is that true for Black Americans, whose average lifespan is about 72 years, compared with an average lifespan of 77 years for all Americans?

Recent findings from the nation’s largest and longest-running study of cardiovascular risk factors in Black Americans, the Jackson Heart Study, suggest that the answer is a qualified yes. Cardiovascular diseases, which give rise to heart attack and stroke, are the leading cause of death and disability worldwide. Perhaps not surprisingly, the association between optimism and longevity in Black Americans appears to be strongest among people with higher education or income levels, and those ages 55 and younger. It also proved stronger among men than among women.

Is optimism the only key to longevity in this study?

Probably not. There’s another possible explanation for the findings, says Dr. Rishi Wadhera, a cardiologist at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center (BIDMC).

“Instead of optimism leading to better health, it’s possible that healthier individuals are simply more optimistic, or less healthy individuals are less optimistic,” he says. This so-called reverse causality — when cause and effect are the opposite of what one assumes — is always a possibility in observational studies, even when scientists take pains to control for possible confounding factors such as health conditions and behaviors, as they did in this study.

“Nonetheless, these findings contribute to a body of evidence that suggests that psychosocial resources, mood, and mental health are all associated with health,” says Dr. Wadhera, who is section head of health policy and equity research at the Richard A. and Susan F. Smith Center for Outcomes Research in Cardiology at BIDMC.

Measuring optimism in the study

Led by researchers at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, the study included 2,652 women and 1,444 men who were part of the Jackson Heart Study. Researchers measured optimism using the Life Orientation Test-Revised, which includes questions such as “In uncertain times, I usually expect the best.” Responses are scored on a scale of 0 (strongly disagree) to 4 (strongly agree). The researchers administered this test and others between 2000 and 2004, and tracked mortality among the study participants until 2018.

Optimism — the general belief that good things will happen — may be partly inherited, although genetic factors are thought to explain only about 20% to 30% of this trait. Some research suggests that people can enhance their feelings of optimism either through cognitive behavioral therapy or writing exercises that focus on imagining their “best possible future self.”

Looking forward

Still, optimism is but one of many intertwined social factors that influence how long people live. A better understanding of biological pathways that could potentially explain the outcomes observed in this study may help, says Dr. Wadhera.

“But to meaningfully address the alarming and ubiquitous health inequities that exist in our country, we need to tackle the unacceptable gaps in care and resources that exist between different racial and ethnic groups,” he adds. This includes disparities in health insurance coverage, access to health care, neighborhood factors such as access to green space and healthy foods, and environmental stressors such as pollution exposure. “Doing so may help people and communities from all backgrounds live happier and longer lives,” Dr. Wadhera says.

 

About the Author

Julie Corliss, Executive Editor, Harvard Heart Letter

Julie Corliss is the executive editor of the Harvard Heart Letter. Before working at Harvard, she was a medical writer and editor at HealthNews, a consumer newsletter affiliated with The New England Journal of Medicine. She … See Full Bio View all posts by Julie Corliss